| April 5. |
[Apr. 5th, 2010|02:33 pm] |
The date with Pete was really, really good. Do you know how awesome it is to go on a date with somebody who not only isn't totally intimidated by you (/your job) but completely gets why I work so much. Gets loving your job and what you do.
Plus, he's so freaking hot I can barely
And Jay's fantastic, but it's really great dating a guy who realizes you exist in the 21st century, too.
Now I just have to figure out how and when to tell him about the Brett situation. Or if I need to.
The eighteenth can't get here fast enough...! |
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| March 24. |
[Mar. 24th, 2010|06:29 pm] |
I am now officially desperate for human contact. I have been basically playing phone tag with Pete - he calls when I can't answer the phone, I call when he can't answer, and this is all so juvenile that I want to puke, but then I'll get distracted by something at work, and then - well, then I can't answer when Pete calls. Apparently 'tis the season for computer crime, because I've got no less than eight hard drives to go through, four of which I have to totally recover.
Ugh. Christmas will be a nightmare. I hate fraud cases.
I even talk about work in my journal. Come on, pull yourself together.
I'm breaking out at my hairline again. Damn, damn, damn! Maybe it's time to get bangs again. NTS: ask Greer or Stacey what they think?
MARCH. SUCKS.
And if I see one more madness bracket, I will be sorely tempted to abuse my powers and start firing warning shots. |
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| February 25 |
[Feb. 25th, 2010|12:08 pm] |
I know it's vaguely sexist (or outright sexist), but it still surprises me when I come across evidence that suggests a perp is female. I don't know why, because I know that women can be frigging crazy, but still, there you are. When I think of bullies, I think of men. I wonder if that's just me, or if most people feel like that.
It's been two weeks since I've checked my personal email - I remember when I would have been horrified at the thought. I think the more time I spend online at work, the less inclined I feel to spend time on it on my own.
I need to talk to Jay. I need to deal with this. I wonder if he's even noticed that I haven't been around for two weeks.
Sigh. At least Stace Anastasia will be glad to hear I'm breaking up with him.
Back to work. Peanut butter crackers from the vending machine are addictive, by the way. |
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| January seventh |
[Jan. 7th, 2010|10:18 am] |
You know what's amazing?
It's nearly four years later exactly, and after everything that's happened - after him being put in jail, after everything that went down in Kansas, the counseling, the training, the complete and total life turnaround that happened ever since the door opened - after all that, it all still feels like it was my fault.
When I remember it, I want to scream at myself for engaging him ever, and then scream at myself for sending him the pictures, scream at myself for not cutting him off immediately the first time he called, instead of letting it go.
I dreamed about him again last night - the worst thing is when I have the dreams about him that aren't nightmares, just dreams, and then I wake up feeling gross and dirty all over.
Lindsey's still going to live with me - thank God. And I really don't think he can find me this time, I've taken every precaution in the book, and a few that aren't.
Lindsey said he'd be stupid to try to find me again. The thing is, I have no illusions about his intelligence. |
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| Ellie |
[Sep. 1st, 2009|08:20 am] |
I'm sitting down here, but hey you can't see ( me ) |
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